Becoming a Leader-Coach: Six Skills to Enhance Your Leadership
This article explores how coaching applies to supervising. The International Coaching Federation defines coaching as “partnering with clients in a thought-provoking and creative process that inspires them to maximize their personal and professional potential.” When you strike the word “clients” from that definition and instead insert “coworkers,” “team members” or “direct reports,” we think you may discover a great way to think about collaborating with and supervising others. We drafted this article with this principle in mind—to empower you to add some coaching habits to your leadership practices that could help you in your role as a supervisor. Below are six coaching competencies that could help you to maximize the performance and potential of the people on your team, build trust as a supervisor and experience the power of a coaching conversation.
Our suggestion is to read this article with the intention of choosing one area to focus on and practice for a while. Do not try to take it all on at once. Pick the skill that seems most interesting to you, or most critical to your leadership right now. Spend a few weeks trying it on. Once you feel comfortable with that skill, come back to this article to choose another skill, and so on.
SKILL 1: HOLDING BACK ON GIVING ADVICE
THE SKILL: While there is a place for great advice in the workplace—particularly in a mentoring setting—it is a tool that coaches try to actively disengage when coaching. The thing about advice is that it sometimes lacks impact because what works for one person does not always work for another. Advice can be fraught with problems: It may fall on deaf ears, it may be experienced as micromanagement, or it can even become an opportunity to shirk responsibility for a bad outcome. Instead of relying on advice, coaches work on the basis that the answer lies with the other person—they ask questions to elicit the other’s ideas, help them consider options, and choose what action they will take.
THE IMPACT: What happens when you give up on giving advice? The first thing you might notice is that you do not have much to say. But, what happens next is that you get curious. You ask your team member what they need to solve the problem, or what their best ideas for proceeding might be. You may toss out ideas, not as a mandate, but as a starting place for brainstorming and inviting the other person to get creative and determine what they think will work best. Finally, when you stop saying what you think they should do, you may discover that they are already resourceful and have great ideas of their own. The shift in energy that occurs when someone comes up with their own idea or solution can support buy-in and accountability to follow through.
HOW TO PRACTICE:
Start paying attention to when you find yourself giving advice. At first, just notice it. You might start to hear yourself doing it all the time, with everyone.
When you hear advice start to come out of your mouth, stop. See if you can ask a question instead of telling the person what you think they should do.
Notice what happens when you stop giving advice. How do people surprise you in the absence of your advice? What is hard about it? What is the benefit of not doing it?
SKILL 2: REFRAMING WHAT WAS SAID
THE SKILL: One of the most important skills a coach brings to every conversation is active listening. In practicing this skill, a coach focuses fully on their client and aims to hear everything the client is communicating. In addition to the client’s words, a coach tries to listen for the client’s unspoken cues and emotions, as well as what is not being said. At times, it is helpful for a coach to reframe, or recreate, for the client what the coach heard. For instance, a coach might say, “What I heard you say is…” or “It sounds like you are...” and then ask for the client’s reaction to what the coach has reflected back.
THE IMPACT: The impact of repeating and reframing what you hear is twofold. First, your team member will have the chance to really notice the words that came out of their mouth, which can be an illuminating experience. Coaching clients often ask, “Did I say that?” when a coach reframes what the client said. Second, when you reflect your team member’s words back to them, you confirm that you are truly listening. You will leave your coworker knowing that you were paying attention to what they had to say and that you fully heard and valued their thoughts.
HOW TO PRACTICE:
Whenever you are engaged in a conversation, practice reframing at least one thing you hear. Do this by saying, “What I heard you say is…” or “I heard you say that…”
Notice what changes in your conversations when you practice this skill. What shifts? How does it make you feel? How does the other person react?
SKILL 3: ASKING EMPOWERING OPEN-ENDED QUESTIONS
THE SKILL: At the foundation of any coaching conversation are questions. Questions that are open-ended and empowering are the most likely to support the client to open up, explore what is possible and see their potential. These, by definition, are questions that cannot be answered with a yes or no response leading to an abrupt end to the line of conversation. They also require the client to reflect—i.e., check in with themselves—to find the answer. Empowering questions invite the client to see something new and move them in a direction that is inspiring, or at the very least interesting and relevant. A closed-ended question might be, “Do you think you can accomplish that?” The open-ended and empowering version might be something like, “What will it take for you to accomplish that?” or “How can you accomplish that?”
THE IMPACT: When we ask these types of questions, we provide others with an opportunity to have insight, gain clarity, expand upon their current perspective on the situation, and discover new solutions or actions to take. If they are open, you can support them in delineating how they are going to move forward. These types of questions may also surface or challenge your coworker’s limiting beliefs or assumptions, which you can then support them to shift with new, more empowering thoughts and assumptions. Remember that a little validation of this new awareness will go a long way as they get comfortable with their own new ideas. Open-ended and empowering questions will also support a future-oriented approach that may propel your coworker into action.
HOW TO PRACTICE:
Rather than spending too much time thinking about your next question while someone is talking, intentionally listen to what they are saying and be led by curiosity when asking your next question, rather than leading the other to the answer you have in your head.
When you are ready to ask your next question, take a moment to think it through and then begin it with the words who, what, where, when, how or how come.
Actively revise or rephrase questions that start with the words did, do, does, is or are. These are all the beginning of closed-ended questions.
SKILL 4: PLAYING WITH SILENCE
THE SKILL: Staying silent can be one of the hardest things to do when coaching a client. We have so much to say, so much to share, and so many questions to ask. But, what if we have already asked enough to get the client thinking? It is the coach’s responsibility to notice when the client is working through something in their head and have the courage to remain silent. It is a gift to the client to receive the space to reflect and think about their response. Although a coach might fear that silence means the client did not understand their question, this is often not the case; if a client is confused, they will usually ask their coach to rephrase. Absent that request, a coach can feel confident that their question was thought-provoking and can practice patience in letting their client think in silence.
THE IMPACT: While silence in response to a question might feel awkward or uncomfortable, it may just be a signal that your team member is wrestling with their thoughts and looking around for an answer. Silence also might mean that your question or observation sparked an “aha” moment; maintaining silence in those circumstances can lead to very powerful insights. Silence also might be an indicator that your coworker is feeling a little apprehensive about answering directly and honestly. Depending on the level of trust in your relationship, your silence might support them to speak their truth regardless of any fear or perceived potential for judgment. Allow your team member the space to work it out, to think about how they want to respond, and to phrase what is coming up for them. In some scenarios, your coworker might use silence to avoid your question, hoping you will move on without an answer. Resist throwing them a lifeline of another question and allow them to trust themselves and embrace the moment.
HOW TO PRACTICE:
Trust in the question you asked and avoid stacking another question on top of it. Pause and ask yourself if another question is actually necessary.
Wait for them to ask you to clarify before you make that decision for them.
Listen non-judgmentally, build trust and validate often, and notice what shifts in them when they share out loud what they were working through.
SKILL 5:BEING AN EFFECTIVE ACCOUNTABILITY PARTNER
THE SKILL: Coaching is a forward-thinking and action-based process. A coach wants to support their client so that the client can get into action, and accountability measures help the client follow through with what they say they want to do. It is important to remember, especially when a supervisor is coaching a direct report, that accountability is about partnering. Once there is a clearly defined goal (a S.M.A.R.T. goal may be most effective—S.M.A.R.T. goals are Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-Bound), a coach will clarify with the client how best to support their eff orts by asking them what they need and checking in throughout the process. As an accountability partner, you will inevitably encounter a time when the other person does not follow through on their commitment. At this point, it is important to point out that the promise was unmet and to help them understand what led to that outcome—without dwelling too much on the past. If the missed action is still a goal, regenerate the action and redouble accountability to help them complete the task.
THE IMPACT: As a supervisor-coach, you can support others by holding them accountable to follow through on their promises from a space of curiosity and commitment to the goal itself, rather than from a place of judgment or emotion. It is possible—and perhaps even likely—that your team member has never before experienced this type of partnership with respect to achieving their goals. When your team member keeps their promises, take time to acknowledge their efforts and celebrate the accomplishment. These small successes build momentum and add up to bigger accomplishments. A regular accountability meeting, or other pre-set structures for checking in, can also be tremendously supportive.
HOW TO PRACTICE:
Ask your coworker, “How can I support your efforts in accomplishing this goal?” or “How will you hold yourself accountable to this action?” If you let the form of accountability be their idea, they will be more open to your follow-up.
Preempt predictable obstacles by asking, “What might get in the way of you being successful here?”
When deadlines get missed, or actions slip through the cracks, stay focused on the future and the goal by asking what is needed to complete the task.
SKILL 6: BEING RESPONSIBLE FOR GENERATING VALUE IN EVERY CONVERSATION
THE SKILL: When a coaching conversation nears its conclusion, many coaches will ask their client, “What are you taking with you from this conversation?” or “What value did you generate today?” This is not a sly way of asking for praise from the client. It is actually a final opportunity for the client to reflect and determine what they generated for themselves in the conversation. Even if they have not really paid attention to the value of the conversation overall, in the moment they are asked the question, they actually get to create all of the value at once. The question usually elicits a clear response about the client’s key takeaways, new awareness(es), and important actions they are ready to take. The best part is that, by asking the client to answer this question, the coach is placing responsibility for generating the value on the client, which is quite empowering.
THE IMPACT: When you give someone the opportunity to clearly define (for themselves) the value of a conversation, you provide a naturally powerful conclusion to an important conversation. In addition, you empower your team member to create the value in the moment and allow them to express what about the conversation was important and what they are taking from it. Finally, you get a sense for yourself of the impact of the conversation on them, which is important feedback as you expand your ability to be a great supervisor.
HOW TO PRACTICE:
Practice ending every important conversation by asking, “What value did you get/create/generate from this conversation?”
Pay attention to what happens when you start asking this question regularly, “How does it impact the quality of your supervisory conversations?”
Notice if you avoid asking this question. See if you are making the question about you (i.e., “if I ask that, then they will think I am asking whether I did a good job”). Remember, this is not a question about how you did in the conversation. It is asking what they created for themselves in the conversation.
PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT
Successful managers, supervisors, and leaders often attribute their own success to their teams and those who come to them for guidance. Maximizing the potential of the people on our teams is a learned skill and infusing these coaching techniques into your leadership efforts can reap great rewards. After thinking through these strategies, which one stands out to you as the most urgent or potentially valuable? Start with one and try it out for a few weeks until you start to get comfortable with it. Keep in mind that adults learn better when we focus on one (maybe two) new areas of development at a time, and also when we allow space and time before trying to incorporate additional new skills.
You do not have to be a coach to practice these skills. Seek out opportunities to practice and notice how conversations shift based on your efforts. Practice a new skill many times before giving up on it, and try to find the approach that suits your own personal leadership style. Our intention with this article is to leave you able to find ways to “partner with [your co-workers/team members/direct reports] in a thought-provoking and creative process that inspires them to maximize their personal and professional potential.” We think you will find that practicing any one of these skills will do just that and will also greatly improve your own experience of being a supervisor and leader in the process.
This article first appeared in the June 2021 Digital Edition of the National Association for Law Placement (NALP) Bulletin+ on June 15, 2021. All rights reserved by NALP.
